If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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