called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize