i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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