If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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