He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
