I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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