Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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