what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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