I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
