I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
