Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
