There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
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THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
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I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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