new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
