wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
