I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
