I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
