Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
