my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
