Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
