One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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