a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
