i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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