Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
