and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
