I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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