Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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