we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
