PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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