I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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