He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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