if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
