what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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