I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
