I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Alive.
So much puke
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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