just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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