I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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