like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
