omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
