uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
