Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
