did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
