I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I woke up under a house in Key West
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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