I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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