Your mouth is God's brothel.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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