The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
