how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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