i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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