getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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