walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
