I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
