I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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