I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
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What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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