she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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