I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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