I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
