This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
