Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
