i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
