I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
