there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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