I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
