Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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