You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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