I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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