if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
