I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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