they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
