I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
