and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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