Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
