my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
