wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
