If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
