...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
worst night to have a conscience
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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