And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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