the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
