When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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