I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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