never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
