he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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