Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
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Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
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I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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